My life today is much different than I would have anticipated a few years ago. My wife and partner of over 40 years had passed away after a brief illness. After the initial shock, denial and disbelief, a deep grief set in. Somehow I stumbled through the sudden change in income, housekeeping habits, routine daily tasks and the myriad minor changes of daily living.
Now, deeper-seated feelings and emotions set in, all of which are associated with grief. Feelings of depression, despair, anger, bitterness, resentment, doubts, second guessing, guilt, etc. buzzed around in my head. Questions and concerns that seemed to have no answer. Why die God allow this? Why now? Loneliness or aloneness, or both? Lack of companionship? What could I or should have I done differently or better? Where do I go from here? How do I get there? Where is “there”?
Our marriage was not as perfect as some may think. I suspect many marriages have “kinks” in them that few know about. And of course, this would certainly be true for couples that separate and/or divorce. We are all human. And as such, we often fail or make mistakes. Some are reconcilable and some appear not to be.
I think what I am saying here is that often in the grief process of the loss of a spouse, whether it’s through death, separation or divorce, many of us run into situations where we feel lost, stuck in a rut, unable to move, isolated or frozen because of something in our relationship with our former spouse that we seemingly cannot resolve. After several months of grieving, I found myself in that very predicament.
I believe many people can go through the various stages and intensities of grief fairly normally to come out the other end ready to deal with whatever the future has in store.
However, some of us hit a stumbling block or an impasse that hinders our progress in a major way. After all, we all deal with grief in our own way. When I found myself at that impasse, I was fortunate enough to cross paths with someone that worked with “Beginning Experience,” a newly re-introduced retreat in our own diocese.
This retreat gave me the tools, along with other people going through similar grief experiences, that helped me to get “unstuck” and face the obstacles that were holding me back. I was amazed at the difference it made! Have attended several of these retreats as a team member, I am still amazed at the transformation I see in others by the end of the weekend. God can work in us in marvelous ways, if we but allow Him.
Our next Beginning Experience Retreat is being offered Friday, Aug. 18-Sunday, Aug. 20 at the Bishop DeFalco Retreat Center, 2100 North Spring, Amarillo. For more information please contact me at 806-344-7490 (if not available, please leave a message), via email at [email protected]. You can also contact the Retreat Center at bdrc.org/beginningexperience or call 806-383-1811. The fee is $225 per double occupancy or $285 for a private room and includes five meals.
Jim Brockman is a parishioner at St. Anthony’s Church, Hereford, and coordinator of Beginning Experience in the Diocese of Amarillo.